Personal observations, epiphanies, stands and why don't we do what we are mandated to do

I have in the past six months lost a great deal and gained a lot in return. In March of this year I lost the one person that I would want to be proud of me. I lost my dad, he was eighty, he was a pastor, he was a the one who created half of me (my momma is responsible for the other half). He’s the one who took me aside at age three and taught me to read. The first book he taught me to read, my first red reader book, the Bible. And not the NIV or RSV he was old school, he brought down the KJV. At three learning to read old English and trying hard not to speak it at the dinner table was interesting. He is the one who taught me how to write, how to write my name. While the other kids in kindergarten where using clay to write their names, I was using it for that purpose and making little bowls with the rest. LOL. I still miss him greatly, I am not totally over his passing, but I have made sure that I do not occupy the same plot as he does. The last time I saw him, he told me for the first time that he loved me. I think of it now here at work, and I am tearing up. In the 38 years that I had with him, he never really told me that he loved me. but I learned after I left home, I mean really left home and moved half a continent away how much he really meant to me. I recall one incident after I left and he told me that he missed me and that he finally knew how his mom felt when he left Mississippi to go to Chicago in the 40’s. I still remember standing in the driveway of my then fiance’s house, and once I got off the phone running to where she was, and crying like a spanked baby. I was not close to him while I was coming up, I did not always understand why he did what he did to raise me, but I look back on it, and I would give anything to tell him thank you.

Two months after my dad’s passing I lost my uncle, and two months after that I lost one of my cousins. Its been a hard year. A lot of time spent using Kleenex, (those of you who own stock in the company owe me greatly).

Anyway in the middle of all this I had an epiphany. I was here at work in the location that I absolutely love being in, and the thought occurred to me that I might not ever live in the same place as my mother ever again. The question became is that something that I could live with? Would I be willing to deal with that in order to achieve something better, could I let go of the idea of taking care of my mother( now do not get me wrong, I have an older brother. He is eleven years older than I am, he has a family, wife two kids. With me its just my wife and I. I thought about going home to help take care of my mom and my aunt who live in the same building, my aunt is 82 my mom is 80. And I am being asked if I could live with not being there. The payoff was that if I stayed I could help start something here, that I could eventually take back there. Not so much where I work because I see this as a means to an end. I am a IT specialist with the federal court here in Seattle/Tacoma. It pays quite well, and could be used to move into something that has now become my passion, providing ministry opportunities for the homeless for the children, for single mothers, for homosexuals, and for the poor. A the nameless people we often pass in the street afraid to help because we are more afraid to worry about some sin that often times is both nonexistent and done only in the theater of our minds. We should keep in mind when we do not open our hearts to assist someone who cannot or is not able to help themselves, we do not do it to them but to the Lord Himself. When we look into the eyes of that homeless person who we walk to the McDonalds or to the taco bell or to where ever we might take them to get something to eat, we look not into their eyes but the eyes of the Lord. When we look into the eyes of the single mom who we buy groceries for, or give a Thanksgiving day basket that resembles the meal we may have that day we look not into that sisters eyes, but the Lord’s. When we help that child with his or her homework, we look not into that child’s eyes, we look into the Lord’s. If we took that verse seriously we would fight over who we help, we would be doing as Paul says we would make each other jealous to do more and more good works. Not in an effort to make it into heaven, because that work is done by Grace. The works show part of the evidence of a changed life, a life that is wrapped up in being like the Father who gave His Son. Willing to give all that we can to reach out to a world, unafraid to get our hands dirty. Jesus who knew no sin came down, and got dirty becoming like us except no sinning, and then became the embodiment of the sins of all of us in order to kill it and remove it from us.

Our job is to minister without prerequisite, none was given to us. The Savior merely bids of come, He does not require us to clean ourselves up, that is the work of sanctification, it is a process that takes a lifetime. Why is it that sometimes we become barriers to Christ, keeping people away because we feel they are not clean enough, not good enough, not conforming enough, their praise aint real enough. Dietric Boenhoffer (not quite sure of the spelling) said this “The church is only the church, when it exists for other people”. What does this mean? Simply put, it aint about me, it aint about you, its about those who are outside the four walls that we call a church, and until we really deep down get that, we will continue to fail when it comes to making an impact on the world around us.